This is a letter to all those guys/men you wish you’d dated and the others you wish you didn’t. This is to those people who made you fall in and out of love.
This is to that guy, 8 years older, who made you understand what crushing on someone feels like. To days when you thought you’d be the happiest if you married him, and actually convinced yourself that you could get rid of your phobia of dogs, that love is strong enough than a phobia and what not. Turns out your phobia is still strong, stronger than all men you’ve ever crushed on.
This is to that guy, who made you feel loved. Who spooned like you wished your skin was cutlery, who made the veins in your neck flinch, whose voice you heard in your sleep. To the guy who said he loved you, and didn’t mean it. To the guy you said you love him, and meant every bit of it. But love, you were just young and what did you know about love?
This is to that guy, who loved you so much it was suffocating. To the guy obsessed with you, to the guy you wish you could have loved, to the one with love so superfluous it gives you a guilt trip every time you think of it. To the guy who told the world about you, and still, you weren’t happy. Maybe you’ve been looking in all the wrong places all this while, you know?
This is to that guy, you liked at first sight. To the long messages you wrote him, to blurry images of a possible future. To the one who respected you, but never really bothered about you. To the one who mistreated you, only to come back later and apologise. To something that could’ve bloomed, but your feelings were crushed long before they could grow.
This is to that guy, who you reserve the softest of corners of your heart. The guy who irritates you and cheers you up at the same time, the one who does nothing and you blush, the guy who smiles and deep inside, you smile a little more. You know you’re happy when you’re around him. Everyone sees it, but he doesn’t. But you don’t care, he’s one of your best friends and you’d never want to lose him. Doesn’t matter if there’s no romantic relationship, does it?
This is to the guy you met on Tinder, and refused to go out with him, insecure about yourself, apprehensive of the first kiss of your life. To the guy you flirt regularly, to the guy you could actually have a thing with, to the guy you met at a fest and found attractive. But things never worked out and I won’t tell you some random bullshit like your soulmate is waiting for you and if it has to happen, it will.
I won’t tell you anything, but to every guy who came even remotely close to your imagination of romanticism, thank him. Thank him for making you, you. Because it doesn’t matter if you have a lover or not, there’s always going to be love around. And what if not a partner, you’ve got stories, don’t you?
Thank them, and thank yourself. You’re amazing, just the way you are.