“Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.” – John Green, The Fault in our Stars
I was sitting on the damp grass outside my classroom reading ‘The Fault in our Stars’ and was deep engrossed in this breathtakingly beautiful tale of love. I was reading the part when Gus organises his pre-funeral and was almost on the verge of crying when I sensed somebody standing behind me. I turned back to look. It was him.
Have you ever been on a roller coaster ride? Have you ever felt that feeling of adrenaline rush combined with ecstasy and fear simultaneously? Did you ever hug your favourite teddy the whole night so that you could be that together, even in your sleep? Have you ever interpreted a drop of water as a drop of tear? If you have, you must be knowing how exactly I feel for this particular person.
There exists this strong (very strong) bond between two persons and you don’t know what to call it. Friendship? Love? I don’t know. There is just ‘something’. It is this ‘something’ which makes you believe in yourself, and in the brighter side of the world. And then you grow a fear, of losing that something-ness someday. You know it’s there at the moment, but you wish to hold on to it forever.
“Quite a dreamer you are”, he said.
“Hey! How’re you doing?’, I said, collecting my thoughts back.
“The Fault in our Stars, eh? Overrated”, he said with a smirk, totally ignoring my question.
“Please. This is beautiful.”
“Grow up. Who reads romantic novels? Read something worthwhile.”
“It’s not simply a romantic novel. There’s much more to it. It’s a book about life, and death.
What do you know about love, anyway?”, I added, irritated.
“Whoa! I’m sorry. You’re right. I-I don’t know anything about love.
I just know that there’s this girl I’ve grown fond of.”
“Wh-WHAT? You like someone? And you haven’t told ME? And you call me your best friend?”, I said, trying to hide the tears Gus had created.
“Look, I’ve tried, okay? I’ve tried to be your best friend. And I’ve tried searching for the perfect match for you. But is it my fault that somewhere between all this, I fell for you? And now when I realise, you seem to have owned me since forever. My Hazel was right with me all this time, but I couldn’t see. I can’t promise you a forever, but I can assure you, I’ll love you every day. This day, next day, and everyday. I love you more than I could ever do, and now stop staring at me, ‘cause those brown eyes of yours make me love you even more.”
I was speechless. I was crying. I was happy. I was in love. I had always been in love.
All this while, I was controlling myself. But now I let go.
I let go of the pain I’ve been clutching to. I felt good, I felt free.
I needed to say something, I realised.
“You’re smart, Mr. Not-Bestfriend, you chose the perfect timing. Propose a girl when she’s reading TFIOS and she’d never say no”, I chuckled.
“Is that all?”, he asked with a poker face.
“Um yeah, I guess, except for the part that I love you, my imperfection. You’re my today, my everyday, and I can’t find enough words to express the butterflies in my tummy.
Is that enough?”
“Almost”, he grinned.